Single is a loaded word, especially when you’ve past your mid thirties and you haven’t quite ‘settled down’ yet. It's packed with judgement, pity and plenty of questions! And that’s just between me and myself!
What must other people be thinking?
I imagine it goes something like this... ‘What’s wrong with you, and why, after all these years haven’t found a suitable match!?! Is it a personal choice? Or is something so wrong with you that I shouldn’t set you up with my cousin?’
Ok, maybe those aren't such crazy questions. And if you're at the same place in your life as I am, you’ve probably asked those and many more questions of yourself in the wee hours of the night while clutching your pillow tight with your whole body waiting for the crack of dawn.
Singledom can be a scary place, notably when your biological clock keeps ticking and it’s a little more atomic and a little less digital than you’d like! You might still want a few domestic things in your life, and it won't just happen by wishing.
From early on, I had expected my life to take a path I had been raised to believe it would. And if you are a woman of comparable age, then perhaps you were raised to think something very similar... grow up, get married, make babies and live ever after (happily or unhappily). But, that’s simply not the case for all of us, and certainly hasn’t been for me.
I often look back and laugh at a cluster of memories in my teen years. I was about thirteen or so when one of my uncles pulled me aside and said “Lisa, you be picky, make sure you pick a boy that treats you right. I still open the door for your Auntie, and you should have the same, so be picky”. I smiled and said “ok”. His words were sweet and I found his concern endearing, although dating was still a few years off for this gal.
I then reached my mid-teens, the same concerned uncle said “Lisa, you stay picky. There are lots of great young men out there, you just have to watch for them”. I smiled and said “ok” as I kept my eye out for all these amazing young men that I figured were going to be placed before me to sort through to get the very best.
It wasn’t more than a couple years after that (almost into my twenties and still single - if you can imagine!) when his tune had changed and he looked at me slightly strained “Lisa, don’t be too picky”.
Geesh, give a girl a chance!! And why the rush to marry me off?! Well I sure showed him – no early settling for this woman!
I’ve been lucky in love, and not so lucky in love. I have loved deeply, and also not so much (in the best possible ways... if you know what mean ;D )
One thing I have figured out thus far, when you truly like and love yourself, all things 'single' seem bearable. It's also an important lesson to learn, since you might be enjoying a fair amount of your own company!!
Single and thriving continues, so on with the hunt!...even if I have to kiss a few toads along the way!!